It REALLY is the MOMENTS.

Happy Sunday…..to you all!  Well, really I guess I might as well say Happy Monday…..since by the time anyone happens to read this it will most likely be well into our Monday. I was hesitant to post tonight from being totally exhausted from a crazy week last week and from being overwhelmed with things to say…..and wondering how much of it I can and/or should say. Most of the time, my LACK of posts have to do with one or the other. That whole “living my truth” thing is a little unerving at times…..if I’m gonna be honest and you know…..LIVE MY TRUTH.

I decided today to take Lily with me to work and to spend a little QT time together. I had the idea to ler her “second shoot”  alongside of me just to let her participate and to feel a sense of accomplishment on being my “assistant.”  I passed down my 20D to her with my…oh so nice……. 24mm wide angle prime lens and let ‘er rip!!!  Watching her work around me was precious and fabulous and got me thinking about how one day, much sooner than I can possibly realize now, I will really be just watching her do whatever it is that she will do.  Whatever it is she will become……I will get to stand back and just watch.  Watch her navigate and communicate and interact with her clients or patients or students or….fill in the blank.  She will grow up fast. And she will BE and DO something that will make her heart smile (hopefully. and if i can help it!),  her mind race and wonder, and her spirit grow.  My one true desire and hope for her is that she really does find whatever that something is sooner rather than later in life.  I hope whatever it is that she feels called to do, she has the courage and the confidence and strength to follow those inclinations and dreams………and make them her reality.  I, of course, don’t care if she is a photographer or not (well, ok….i care a little. because, well, if she starts off young and starts off right she can make an excellent living and take care of herself and meet amazing people along the way. but hey, that’s just my little ‘ol .02!) but just want so much for her to experience life in a way that she can give and be given to on all levels of living.  So while I thoroughly enjoyed watching my little beauty work that camera like nobody’s business today,

I just wanted to say that being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s the hardest and most stressful and the most time consuming and the most amount of guilt I’ve ever felt and the scariest job in the world…….but getting to be a part of something as simple as watching your children grow and smile is more rewarding than even I imagined.  Being a part of the experience when you can almost SEE little lightbulbs go off in her head…….when you can SEE the self esteem boost come from having learned how to use a camera or ride a bike or read or have her artwork chosen to be in the Greater Coast Gulf Arts Show…………..or when you can SEE the compassion in her innocent face when she watches a homeless person on the side of the road begging for money.  None of these things can ever be replaced. Or duplicated. Or recreated. It is these moments in a child’s life that, I am convinced, keep the life cycle going. The completely individual and unique moments that just HAPPEN are what keeps us trudging along through the swamp of poor friend choices, average grades, sassing, crying, whining, being constantly taken for granted, and basically giving up your entire existence.  Being a parent is a nonstop “YOU’RE WEARING ME OUT!” party…….not just for ME, but for a lot of moms that I know and love.  Really though…….after all is said and done, the huge amount of inconvenience that being a parent really involves, you still get the MOMENTS.  You get the PRICELESS MOMENTS with your children that NO ONE else could ever give you.  And that is what brings me to my recap of my time spent in New Orleans last week at the Pictage Partner Conference.

I’ll go ahead and just say that I’m not real great at “RECAPS”, but for the sake of economizing the rest of this post………I did NOT utilize my time very well, did not make nearly as many friends as I could or should have, got really overwhelmed and a bit withdrawn (like I always do in big crowds of people), and pretty much had one of the most profound experiences of my photography career while there.  That is the economical way of saying it. But alas, I cannot keep my enthusiasm curbed on this, so economical, you get to take the back seat on this ride!! You’ll have to excuse the randomness of images…I’m a little bit verklempt.

You see, there is this person. This 57 year old man. A husband. A photographer. Not just any photographer. A photographer of celebrities and non celebrities. A teacher.  A leader. A father.  But not just any father. He is the father of TWO autistic sons. And he rocked my boat. Or maybe you’d call my perogue at this point…..but nonetheless, the man inspired me in ways that are really hard to write about. He inspired me in just 45 short minutes in a hotel ballroom…..in New Orleans, Louisiana.  His name:  Joe Buissink. To most of you who are of the non photographer order….his name is  most likely……just another name.  But to me and to my fellow photograph loving friends he is one of the most amazing wedding photographers in the world, out of Los Angeles, who must be one of the most genuine people I’ve ever seen speak or had the opportunity to engage.  Even if it was for 2.4 minutes in an elevator in a hotel in south Louisiana.  The love and sincerity, the inspiration,  and the raw message radiating out of that man and out of his images hit me. Hard. It was within the first few seconds of his talk that my heart was forever changed.  He opened with an image of his half naked wife lying in bed. Black and White. With their now 16 year old son at her breast. She was nursing him. That is all. Just nursing their son……who is now 16.  And autistic.  The first of two sons. Both, autistic. Both, so clearly loved by a man who was abused as a child and didn’t know what real love was for so long that now he just cries at almost every wedding he shoots. His desire to capture the raw and real moments of life started with that image of his son and his wife.  His message was so loud and clear to me that I can still hear his voice, when really, if you know me well enough you know that my memory is not one for paying too close attention to detail.  I write about Joe Buissink tonight not just because he has two autistic sons. Not just because he is some big famous celebrity photographer who travels the world and has more love to give than most people will ever know.  I write about him because I walked away from that talk and my encounter with him in the elevator in which I wept as we spoke, with more purpose and inspiration and permission……to embrace that I am the mother of an autistic child AND that I am a photographer. And a lover of life. And of the moments that organically and naturally happen every single day. All the time.  The message said to me, “You don’t have to seperate the autism from your love of life and your love of photography. Do something with that love! Create art out of moments that are reflected in you!”  He talked about how 10 different photographers could be shooting the SAME EXACT MOMENT and how, depending on WHO was shooting, would determine how the moment would be recorded……..because our images are a reflection of who we are.  The moment that I capture will be different from the moment that my sister captures at any of our weddings, because they are MY moments. Her moments are HERS. They are a reflection of her love and appreciation of that particular moment.

I am not one to preach or to praise aloud or to harp on one thing or another, but this man was put into my life, if only for a moment, and he changed and inspired me.  After that talk, I was walking upstairs to my room with Emmy trying to collect myself still pondering all that I had just heard and absorbing myself in that moment that I had just experienced. We went to the room, chatted a bit about how inspired we were by Joe and muddled over an idea that I’ve had for quite some time now regarding Autism, and then decided to head back down.  And it was on that way back down, that the elevator door opened on the 6th floor of the Astor Hotel and the only single solitary body in the elevator was Joe Buissink.  Of all of the places that he and I could have been at any given time during that three day conference with hundreds of people going to and from all floors of the hotel, he was standing right in front of me.  And please do not be mistaken, as I am not a star struck momtographer.  I do not get excited or idolize someone because they are considered a celebrity…..in any arena. Because they are just a person. Like you. Like me. Not JUST a person, but an important person…….to someone. He is the most important person in the world to his wife and to his two autistic sons.  His inspiration comes from those three people.  They complete his life and give him back more than he could possibly give…………And THAT is why I write so voraciously and emotionally about a man who I don’t even know, but connected with on so many levels…….it was hard to breathe that day.

Needless to say, I had a different focus the rest of the time and enjoyed myself immensely, even given the fact that I missed out on a lot of interaction. Next year, Pictage announced that the conference will again be in New Orleans.  I will be there again. Never expecting a moment like I had this time to happen again, but to embrace that southern city with the inspiring and passionate photographers who fill their spritis up by capturing the amazing life around them. Just like I do. It’s the common thread that brings so many together, and to have that happen in a place that I consider home makes me happy.

I came home with a renewed spirit, a charged up battery pack, and a camera in hand…………..waiting around to capture moments like you see above.  The moment when Laws is in Lily’s arms and looks so relaxed and so safe. And so happy. When his contagious laugh and her sweet, gentle soul join themselves in moments like this I don’t care if it itsn’t perfect light. Or the perfect f-stop. Or aperture. Or if the composition if off.  Life is never perfect. But moments can be.  Go out and find your moment.  Where do you get your inspiration from? What are those things that are important to YOU?

Thank you, Joe Buissink. For that moment…….