It is almost 1am on the night of January 1st, 2010. I can barely keep my eyes open but for some reason I decided, with a wandering mind and a restless heart, to start a new post for the sake of starting over and feeling REFRESHED. For the sake of something new. For the sake of committing to something. For transparency’s sake. For fun. For discomfort. And also in the spirit of my Making Things Happen Intensive with Lara Casey and Jeff Holt in Destin at the WaterColor Resort just 4 days before Christmas. And four days before I left for a much needed 10 day break to the heart of Cajun Country……..HOME in Franklin, Louisiana where the food never stops, the family never stops, and neither does the noise or the laughter or alcoholic beverages. A hectic, but fun and lively time for me and the children. Allowing them to play for an extended period of time with their cousins and my best friend’s children, making memories was worth the little bit of inconvenience and lack of privacy. Nothing can ever replace those moments with family and friends and I always look forward to the mayhem of the holidays, even though my true inner self craves time away from all of it after a few days.
I didn’t really realize until New Year’s eve (my mind is off kilter. it’s from all the cajun food. i swear.), that this new year has plopped himself right smack down in the middle of my lap, gotten quite comfy, AND he starts a whole entire new decade. A whole new DECADE? 10 whole freaking years have passed y’all!!! Reflection does not come as easy for me as it used to, what with having two children, running two businesses, and the mysterious and evil autism to boot……did i mention lack of sleep? No wonder the brain that I once had took a hike. Not sure I can blame the old gal. I would have done the same thing…….BUT, I have a little bit left up there to reflect on not only all of the wonderful and amazing moments that I have been so lucky and blessed to have been a part of, but also the frequent failure, doubt, and bit of regret that has happened or crept up within that same time period. Every single one of these events, these situations, these moments has helped to shape the person that I am right now, and I am coming to some semblance of acceptance about where I am on my journey. I have come to the conclusion recently, that I am a walking breathing oxymoron of sorts. An eclectic, multifaceted mom photographer who hates to cook but loves to eat and drink wine. Well, really more vodka and quite a bit of water too. I love quiet and exercise and the smell of burning sugar cane. I’m a mom who needs so much more practice just being a mom and who feels so good about what’s living inside of me. For a long time it’s been hard to reconcile what I THOUGHT a mom should be with what I actually AM……..and that it’s OK to not be like all of the other moms. My mind swirls with nonstop thoughts and ideas about life, relationships, art, my style, my interests, religion……..and I want to find some focus. I want to be deliberate about the changes that I am deciding will happen in 2010 and beyond. (i sound like Buzz Lightyear. sorry.)
If you follow my blog at all, you’ll see that I recently started doing Fun Fact Friday. It was a way for me to start being a bit more transparent with the rest of the world and a slow process to finding my true inner voice. Not only sharing me with you, but sharing me with me. Learning more about who I am and learning to enjoy life more by understanding more of my strengths and weaknesses, helping me to create a more deliberate and rich life without letting FEAR take over like so many of us do.
One of the goals I created for this year is to be more transparent and to let go of the fear of what that might bring. It’s a scary leap of faith, but it’s deliberate. I want to share so much about my ideas, my art, my businesses, my children, my travels………I want to be open to inviting new people, new places, and new ideas into my life. I want to invite all of my followers along this journey with me. Look at who you surround yourselves with. Are you living the life that you want to live? Why or why not? What does that mean and how will you start taking steps to get to that place, whether it be mental or physical? I have so much to evaluate in 2010 and I am taking steps….albeit baby ones in some arenas and big nasty giant dinosaur ones in others………to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN in my life. Not just for my portrait and wedding businesses, but in my personal life, my financial life, my spiritual life (which ALL happen to be somewhat of a mess. be transparent. say it with me….), and even in my “how am i gonna change the world even in my little corner” life. I want to create a life that feels good. That smells good. That taste good. I want all of me to be present. Because you know what? There is only ONE Evelyn. She has only ONE life. And she wants it to be ONE awesomely fantastic journey that she is able to share with the important people in her life now and the important people who just walked in…….
In the spirit of Making Things Happen I thought maybe laying it all out there in the form of goals would be pretty transparent and would hold me accountable, which is what I am looking for……and HECK…isn’t everyone making huge changes? It’s a NEW DECADE GANG! (insert chuckle.)
1. Rebrand both portrait and wedding businesses to reflect ME in that brand. I’m too much a sucker for yummy design and need to just realize that a logo means nothing if you don’t have a brand and LIVE it. (GAWD…I have A LOT to do)
2.Learn Quick Books.
3. Live authentically and do whatever it takes to do it. That involves being transparent.
4.Decide where I am going to live.
5. Make a daily schedule and stick to it. I’m talking like….scheduling talk time, text, time, twitter time, edit time, kiddie time……runt to pick up take out time. (cracking myself up again. easily amused at 1 am)
6. Talk with one person each week who infuses me. Scheduling time to build relationships will be the cornerstone of my life this year. There are so many people who want to do the same thing and I will find those people and nourish those relationships.
7. Decide on what parts of my business I will outsource. And then do it.
8. Exercise 5 days per week. Truly, this is one of the most important for me. Phyical exercise makes me happy. Period. Of course feeling skinny in jeans makes me the happiest, but it’s not all about the jeans….heehee.
9. Show my chilren that they come first. Even if it means scheduling time just for that.
10.Start video blogging. (which i did 3 times and they were pretty awesome and real and heartfelt and……without sound. but..i will TRY AGAIN to start adding more of me to this blog via video.)
11. (11 always gets left out, poor thing! So 11, this is for you)I have a pretty neat and pretty big idea for a Giving Back idea and also a Book idea that I’ve been sitting on for a while. And in 2010, I will no longer sit. I will stand UP and share my ideas with you and everyone else in the hope that my passion for photography, the love I have for my children, and my amazing relationships will carry me through and support me and my whacked out ideas through something I have dreamt about doing for quite a while now.
Scary? YES. Possibly life changing? YES. Making the decision about the things that I WILL and WILL NOT do is the first step to finding my focus. Finding my focus will help to drive that little gnome we call FEAR back into his dark and gloomy cave. Being deliberate in your life can be difficult and I fall prey to that “whatever happens, happens” mantra quite a bit. But after attending the MAKING THINGS HAPPEN Intensive a few weeks ago, buying the book CRUSH IT and meeting these folks who inspired me beyond belief, I also realize that when I’ve wanted to really make things happen and DECIDED that I would, I did. It literally comes from my gut. From the bottom of my heart. From my spirit. I’ve learned A LOT about myself and my relationships, my children and my family, my place in the world, and also about my friends in the last decade. Granted, I am no where NEAR the sense of accomplishment, contentment, or peace that I know one day I will experience but am learning so much on this life journey. Surrounding myself with people who infuse me, who are positive about life and in all of the glorious sweetness that it can be, who know what they want and go get it, and who are interesting, open, loving, and giving……….will be part of my life plan. I want to experience more out of my relationships and learn to step out of my comfort zone to the point that I am feeling the FEAR but still deciding to give, move forward, and ACT.
I truly have never wanted for more in the way of unconditional love because of the people in my life. One of the many things that Jeff and Lara talked about at Making Things Happen was failing, and failing often. Heck y’all………..if a girl’s gotta fail to make progress then I’m on my way to some pretty lofty things, ya hear!! Failure I am continually good at, but laughter, friendship, and motherhood keeps me whole, sane, humble, and pretty dang happy. Ok, if I’m going to at least climb the first rung on the ladder of transparency……..then motherhood might get left out of the SANE part. In fact, it probably does just the opposite which would be INSANE. But no doubt, it keeps me HUMBLE.
So many changes to take place in 2010……that it’s a little overwhelming in both good and not so good ways. The opportunities that await me in the next year and beyond I know are limitless. And they are for you guys too. Learning to love unconditionally, to forgive, to let go, to commit, to be determined, to work hard, to start anew, to listen, to be interested, to FACE THE FEAR………despite my tiny aversion to the hype and lofty resolutions, I do love the feeling of tackling a fresh start. Whether it’s physical or not. It’s just like another chance to make things right. To make things feel good. To find your voice again. To learn more about you and the people around you with a renewed spirit. To laugh at myself. To wonder what the hell I was thinking. To get rid of STUFF both mental and otherwise…… to rid myself of the people who suck the life out of me…whether they mean to or not. And to remember the past year in the lives of my two precious babies. Who, I will admit…..are just no longer babies.
Speaking of my babies….I need to say this to you both: Lily and Laws,
I have never had better teachers than the two of you. You make me stronger and better. You have the faces of angels. When I look at you, I think I can see heaven sometimes. Other times, heaven is the furthest thing I see, but that’s usually when it’s 4 am or when your little bodies are too tired or hungry or something that you don’t have the words for and you whine or scream one too many times…….and I become a beast. I’m sorry for being that beast sometimes. The sacrifices that you both have had to make at such early ages are big ones……just for me. I know it may seem sometimes like my work comes first, but it doesn’t. You two are the reason I hunker down and go crazy and wanna change the world…….in the ADHD sort of way that I know Lily, drives you crazy. I want you to be proud of me. No matter who is reading or looking or participating…….YOU matter most. As the next decade begins and we all have to face the teenage years together with estrogen and autism…….I just want you to know how pure my love is for you. Before we move into the next big phase of life for you both, I want to say that I will be so far from perfect just like I’ve always been…..but I will TRY to do better. I will try to love you both in the ways that you need to be loved. I hope that when you are 15 and 18….well, let’s just think good thoughts together ok? 15 and 18 kinda have me feeling woozy right about now.
Good Night my friends….new and old. Elise and Daryl, my time with you is never taken for granted. Our friendship means so much to me and my heart always just feels at home when we are together. Thank you for spending my birthday weekend with me. It definitely made turning 34 a whole lot sweeter. I wish all the time that we were able
Let me always be a student………..a listener, a giver, and a lover of all things good! This is my wish to you from me. Open yourselves up with me in this New Year. Be open to life. Be deliberate, be giving, and listen. There is always something or SOMEONE to learn from. I have been absent from this blog for two month for quite a few reasons but will chalk those reasons up as excuses…….and excuses won’t live in 2010 will they? Thank you Lara, Jeff, Emily, Gina, Amy, Katie, Kyle, Valerie.., Ashley, Candice…..allof you guys….and even the ones that I did not have the chance to get to talk with……..meeting you all was fun and uplifting and refreshing. You helped me to start a new decade with more passion and drive than I’ve known in a while. Just knowing that there are others in our industry as passionate as I am about my work is so freakin’ COOL and I look forward to getting to know all of you on a more personal level in 2010 and beyond….there goes the Buzz Lightyear routine again.
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Monday night. It is a random Monday night in the middle of November in 2009. He is 5 and a half years old now, as of only a few weeks ago. The halves count for me with him. The years that go by with not as much progress as I would like to have seen by this point, are benchmarked by the half year like somehow it buys him more time. Like because if I can convince myself that he’s only 3 and a half. 4 and a half. 5 and a half. He’s not yet that next year and it’s a reminder that a lot can still happen in six months. A lot of catching up can happen……I convince myself. And then tonight, as I lay there with him for about a half an hour and realize there is so much yet to be done for NYC in three days, I decide to tell him that I will leave the room because he won’t go to sleep and that I need to get some work done. Most of the time I either fall asleep with them if it takes a while or I get to get up within minutes because they are both so exhausted and it only takes about 10 minutes and they are both snoring toothpicks. But tonight it was one of those……”haven’t burned off enough energy because of the nasty weather outside” DAY. I told him that he could go to sleep and rest with Lily and that I would see him in the morning. And, as if for some reason he just wasn’t autistic anymore and that 5.5 years happen to be that “IT” half year……he says to me (or pleads, rather!) with such conviction that almost quit breathing……”No mom…..PLEASE DON’T GO! Stay right here with ME.” And when we have moments like that, where the whole world literally S.T.O.P.S, I try not to stop with it and just roll with the moment. I quickly move past the miraculous scene playing out before me and act and respond as if he’s always done that. Always been that way. Always NOT autistic. I want him to recognize the FLOW of our interaction and hope every single day that he begins to generalize everything that he’s been taught and just BE and DO what 5 year olds do. And tonight he did. Interestingly enough, in my morning haze after having stayed up yet again until almost 2am I almost forgot to mention that when he came to love on me this morning, again as if things had always been typical, he says without missing a beat…….”I love you”……..in a sleepy little cuddly voice that every mother surely wants to bottle up and keep until she is no more. It’s the morning smell, the tassled hair, the half hanging pacifier in his mouth, the big smile that takes up half his face even while he’s still half asleep……….that absolutely makes waking up with my babies one of the most precious times of my life. Grant it………there are plenty of those mornings where there isn’t a rose garden growing all around us and the dog is whining and barking and I’m exhausted and grumpy and rushing to wake and get everything done where those moments are missed. But when they come, I do not forget. And on this tropical storm filled day in November…..I will not forget the moment that I had lying in that bed with him at 9:30pm with the rain coming down outside and his big sister sleeping soundly right next to him. If I could have only snapped a photograph of those words. If words and sounds could be photographed, I would have had my one in a miilion image.”I love you.” “Please don’t go.”
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Happy Sunday…..to you all! Well, really I guess I might as well say Happy Monday…..since by the time anyone happens to read this it will most likely be well into our Monday. I was hesitant to post tonight from being totally exhausted from a crazy week last week and from being overwhelmed with things to say…..and wondering how much of it I can and/or should say. Most of the time, my LACK of posts have to do with one or the other. That whole “living my truth” thing is a little unerving at times…..if I’m gonna be honest and you know…..LIVE MY TRUTH.
I decided today to take Lily with me to work and to spend a little QT time together. I had the idea to ler her “second shoot” alongside of me just to let her participate and to feel a sense of accomplishment on being my “assistant.” I passed down my 20D to her with my…oh so nice……. 24mm wide angle prime lens and let ‘er rip!!! Watching her work around me was precious and fabulous and got me thinking about how one day, much sooner than I can possibly realize now, I will really be just watching her do whatever it is that she will do. Whatever it is she will become……I will get to stand back and just watch. Watch her navigate and communicate and interact with her clients or patients or students or….fill in the blank. She will grow up fast. And she will BE and DO something that will make her heart smile (hopefully. and if i can help it!), her mind race and wonder, and her spirit grow. My one true desire and hope for her is that she really does find whatever that something is sooner rather than later in life. I hope whatever it is that she feels called to do, she has the courage and the confidence and strength to follow those inclinations and dreams………and make them her reality. I, of course, don’t care if she is a photographer or not (well, ok….i care a little. because, well, if she starts off young and starts off right she can make an excellent living and take care of herself and meet amazing people along the way. but hey, that’s just my little ‘ol .02!) but just want so much for her to experience life in a way that she can give and be given to on all levels of living. So while I thoroughly enjoyed watching my little beauty work that camera like nobody’s business today,
I just wanted to say that being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s the hardest and most stressful and the most time consuming and the most amount of guilt I’ve ever felt and the scariest job in the world…….but getting to be a part of something as simple as watching your children grow and smile is more rewarding than even I imagined. Being a part of the experience when you can almost SEE little lightbulbs go off in her head…….when you can SEE the self esteem boost come from having learned how to use a camera or ride a bike or read or have her artwork chosen to be in the Greater Coast Gulf Arts Show…………..or when you can SEE the compassion in her innocent face when she watches a homeless person on the side of the road begging for money. None of these things can ever be replaced. Or duplicated. Or recreated. It is these moments in a child’s life that, I am convinced, keep the life cycle going. The completely individual and unique moments that just HAPPEN are what keeps us trudging along through the swamp of poor friend choices, average grades, sassing, crying, whining, being constantly taken for granted, and basically giving up your entire existence. Being a parent is a nonstop “YOU’RE WEARING ME OUT!” party…….not just for ME, but for a lot of moms that I know and love. Really though…….after all is said and done, the huge amount of inconvenience that being a parent really involves, you still get the MOMENTS. You get the PRICELESS MOMENTS with your children that NO ONE else could ever give you. And that is what brings me to my recap of my time spent in New Orleans last week at the Pictage Partner Conference.
I’ll go ahead and just say that I’m not real great at “RECAPS”, but for the sake of economizing the rest of this post………I did NOT utilize my time very well, did not make nearly as many friends as I could or should have, got really overwhelmed and a bit withdrawn (like I always do in big crowds of people), and pretty much had one of the most profound experiences of my photography career while there. That is the economical way of saying it. But alas, I cannot keep my enthusiasm curbed on this, so economical, you get to take the back seat on this ride!! You’ll have to excuse the randomness of images…I’m a little bit verklempt.
You see, there is this person. This 57 year old man. A husband. A photographer. Not just any photographer. A photographer of celebrities and non celebrities. A teacher. A leader. A father. But not just any father. He is the father of TWO autistic sons. And he rocked my boat. Or maybe you’d call my perogue at this point…..but nonetheless, the man inspired me in ways that are really hard to write about. He inspired me in just 45 short minutes in a hotel ballroom…..in New Orleans, Louisiana. His name: Joe Buissink. To most of you who are of the non photographer order….his name is most likely……just another name. But to me and to my fellow photograph loving friends he is one of the most amazing wedding photographers in the world, out of Los Angeles, who must be one of the most genuine people I’ve ever seen speak or had the opportunity to engage. Even if it was for 2.4 minutes in an elevator in a hotel in south Louisiana. The love and sincerity, the inspiration, and the raw message radiating out of that man and out of his images hit me. Hard. It was within the first few seconds of his talk that my heart was forever changed. He opened with an image of his half naked wife lying in bed. Black and White. With their now 16 year old son at her breast. She was nursing him. That is all. Just nursing their son……who is now 16. And autistic. The first of two sons. Both, autistic. Both, so clearly loved by a man who was abused as a child and didn’t know what real love was for so long that now he just cries at almost every wedding he shoots. His desire to capture the raw and real moments of life started with that image of his son and his wife. His message was so loud and clear to me that I can still hear his voice, when really, if you know me well enough you know that my memory is not one for paying too close attention to detail. I write about Joe Buissink tonight not just because he has two autistic sons. Not just because he is some big famous celebrity photographer who travels the world and has more love to give than most people will ever know. I write about him because I walked away from that talk and my encounter with him in the elevator in which I wept as we spoke, with more purpose and inspiration and permission……to embrace that I am the mother of an autistic child AND that I am a photographer. And a lover of life. And of the moments that organically and naturally happen every single day. All the time. The message said to me, “You don’t have to seperate the autism from your love of life and your love of photography. Do something with that love! Create art out of moments that are reflected in you!” He talked about how 10 different photographers could be shooting the SAME EXACT MOMENT and how, depending on WHO was shooting, would determine how the moment would be recorded……..because our images are a reflection of who we are. The moment that I capture will be different from the moment that my sister captures at any of our weddings, because they are MY moments. Her moments are HERS. They are a reflection of her love and appreciation of that particular moment.
I am not one to preach or to praise aloud or to harp on one thing or another, but this man was put into my life, if only for a moment, and he changed and inspired me. After that talk, I was walking upstairs to my room with Emmy trying to collect myself still pondering all that I had just heard and absorbing myself in that moment that I had just experienced. We went to the room, chatted a bit about how inspired we were by Joe and muddled over an idea that I’ve had for quite some time now regarding Autism, and then decided to head back down. And it was on that way back down, that the elevator door opened on the 6th floor of the Astor Hotel and the only single solitary body in the elevator was Joe Buissink. Of all of the places that he and I could have been at any given time during that three day conference with hundreds of people going to and from all floors of the hotel, he was standing right in front of me. And please do not be mistaken, as I am not a star struck momtographer. I do not get excited or idolize someone because they are considered a celebrity…..in any arena. Because they are just a person. Like you. Like me. Not JUST a person, but an important person…….to someone. He is the most important person in the world to his wife and to his two autistic sons. His inspiration comes from those three people. They complete his life and give him back more than he could possibly give…………And THAT is why I write so voraciously and emotionally about a man who I don’t even know, but connected with on so many levels…….it was hard to breathe that day.
Needless to say, I had a different focus the rest of the time and enjoyed myself immensely, even given the fact that I missed out on a lot of interaction. Next year, Pictage announced that the conference will again be in New Orleans. I will be there again. Never expecting a moment like I had this time to happen again, but to embrace that southern city with the inspiring and passionate photographers who fill their spritis up by capturing the amazing life around them. Just like I do. It’s the common thread that brings so many together, and to have that happen in a place that I consider home makes me happy.
I came home with a renewed spirit, a charged up battery pack, and a camera in hand…………..waiting around to capture moments like you see above. The moment when Laws is in Lily’s arms and looks so relaxed and so safe. And so happy. When his contagious laugh and her sweet, gentle soul join themselves in moments like this I don’t care if it itsn’t perfect light. Or the perfect f-stop. Or aperture. Or if the composition if off. Life is never perfect. But moments can be. Go out and find your moment. Where do you get your inspiration from? What are those things that are important to YOU?
Thank you, Joe Buissink. For that moment…….
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Well, lovely person….it is after midnight and I have successfully managed to make it through this Halloween and am determined to get my post up before tomorrow and to share my SAH-WEET captures from NOLA a few weekends ago. I’ll be on my way there again on Monday to see a good friend and his family and to get setup for the Pictage Partner Conference from Tuesday through Thursday of this coming week. I thought it fitting to post these fun images, while pumping myself up for a few days of photo learnin’, awesome networking, libations, and whatever else I can fit into 48 hours in NOLA sans kids. It’s rare that I ever leave during the week, but I’ll bring the 5 year old little person to my Mom and he’ll get to spend some QT time with Mam and Papa! I’m sure I’ll have lots to report upon my return from Partner Con and look forward to sharing new and SPICY images from my time there. Passing up a few days to learn and meet new folks in my field so close to home was just a no brainer……….so my sis and I hopped on board! I’ll also be able to reconnect with a new and dear friend, Leslie, in New Orleans whom I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting back in May when I attended Dane Sanders’ Fast Track Photographer Workshop in Houston. I feel so lucky to be able to pursue my art and to meet so many wonderful, sharing, and real individuals. Aside from the fact that we won’t have any business cards to exchange with new friends, I imagine my time in the Crescent City will be well spent. And hey….there is always my Twitter name to hand out……..”Hey there, I’m @EvelynLaws, who are you?”
Brief Hallow’s Eve update…….we managed to make it through another Halloween and, rather successfully, I am proud to say. It’s taken all of 5.5 years to GET the Halloween “thing”, but I think this year we were closer than we’ve ever been. Mind you, the funny child does have a minor obsession with pumpkins that is hard to live with come this time of year, but even that was so much less pronounced this go around. He didn’t really get the idea that you decide on one costume (and usually many weeks prior to) for the occasion and then stick with it. You see, 3.2 mintues after Target put their costumes on the racks, I scooped up Woody AND Buzz Lightyear in his size to be assured that we were set. This will be the third year in a row for Buzz (FYI. and all the others years were fairly unsuccessful so if at twice you don’t succeed…….) and since he’s finally taken a liking to the entire movie (cuz you know, it’s like one of my all time faves and couldn’t wait for my son to experience….”YOU ARE A TOY!”) I thought purchasing Woody would seal the deal and we would embrace Halloween night with two choices in hand and another year behind us ready for some knocking on doors, candy, and ghosts and goblins. But alas, he decided that he was either going to be Jillian Michaels or Stellaluna. WHAT? J.U.S.T D.O.N.T A.S.K.
But he did however, wear the Woody costume. And the cuteness level was on HIGH ALERT. He walked next to Lily and held open his bag and sometimes said “Trick or Treat” and sometimes he said, “Give me that!” , while trying to snatch candy out of the givers hand. So there. Stick THAT in your juice box……..and suck it. heehee. One more reason to love the lack of normalcy in my life. Living what really is my truth is fun and funny sometimes. Even if it involves Autism. SOMETIMES.
I could write so much more about his conversational skills making leaps and bounds and how just a few short weeks ago I felt once again, lonely and frustrated, angry and confused……about him. About what to do with him. About how to do IT. Whatever IT was. Or is. But man, when that conversational speak starts to pop up, it brings in the tide of peace and comfort and of success and hope. And really guys, when you have HOPE then you still have everything. It carries you through one more rediculous, lowdown, dirty IEP where teachers and administrators and school board employees are paid and bullied into to telling you that they don’t want your kid at their school because it just takes a little more work (and yeah, and a little more money that the district doesn’t have. so they circumvent what legally they are entitled to give my child but don’t because there’s no money.), one more ugly glance from someone who has no fricking clue what it’s like to live with a child whose behaviors are about as predictable as the Saints winning the Super Bowl on any given year (did I just say that?), or on more unintentional and well meaning acquaintance telling you that they just “Don’t know how you do it?” Because frankly, what choice do I have. And to be even more frank, neither do I. Of all of the uncertainties of my life right now and of his life also, I do know that I am seeing progress and we’ve moved into the “two steps forward” mode for conversation. We’ve gone completely gluten free almost 3 months ago and am waiting to discuss that part of our journey in a couple more months just so I can figure out if I think it’s done some good. It’s hard to know at this age though, because there is so much going on in terms of maturity and development. Sometimes I wonderf if I did nothing but be his mom and let him experience life without therapy and even just homeschool……would he still progress. Without mainstream school, without ABA, without RDI, without Gluten Free diets…….would he still become the Laws that his DNA says he will. All interesting and intruguing to the point that I just get on autopilot and try to be a fun and happy mom.
And I’ve taken up drinking coffee to make that happen most days.
So, to add to my Fun Facts from last Friday and since…..I missed it again this week, I’ll add a few tonight just so you know a little more about me today than you did last week. You know……because I’m kind of a big deal around here……..bwaaaahhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaa. (that was a joke. and if you know me, you know so. smooch!) Enjoy the imagery tonight. And for goodness sakes…..get on TWITTER. @me. follow me. engage me. make me laugh.
(This list started about a month ago now, I guess? I continue to add to the list but imagine that after this week…something will have to to give. #hookingupashortversionnexttime.)
1. I love the smell of burning cane. With a passion. But I hate the smell and GAG when I go on field trips to the Sugar Mill.
2.I have a very, very, very weird reaction to newspaper and xerox copies that makes my salivary glands go crazy and gives me goose bumps beyond belief. It’s making me cringe writing about it. It’s worse if my hands are wet and I have to touch either one. ICK!!! Don’t know why, but it’s always been that way. Getting through school with all of that paper……
3.I love that I am cajun. But hate that I don’t speak French. I love that I could do something about it. But hate that I don’t.
4. I crave change too much, but am reluctant and nervous when said change happens.
5. I truly did not know the depths of my love until after my children were born. And it wasn’t right after they were born. (well, it was….just not to it’s fullest capacity!) It took a while, but the moment came and I have embraced motherhood to the best of my God given ability. I also recognize sometimes that some other mom’s God given ability might be more or less than mine, but it’s mine and I’m happy with it. (Mother of the Year awards and all!)
6.I love knee high, soccer socks and have never played soccer. I secretly hope they hit runways and become some big fashion statement one day so that I can be In Vogue in my hot mama soccer socks. Really Ev?
7. I love sleep so much it hurts. And I haven’t done it well since March 1, 2001. 8.5 years to be exact. But I have big plans for later…….
8. One and half years ago I said you could never pay me enough money to photograph a wedding. All I want to do these days is look at wedding photography, be a wedding photographer, and shoot weddings! I am obsessed with love stories. I cry at every wedding I attend, shooting or not. I get so wrapped up in telling the story with my camera and come home completely exhausted wondering if I’ll be able to do it again…..and then I do. And I love it the same. All over again.
9. I’ve said “NEVER” a lot. I’ve said “Never” about so many things that it’s a tad bit embarrassing that most of those things I’ve said “Never” about I actually DID. Or still do.And one would think that I could learn a lesson from that by now.
Why not make it TEN, since I’ve gotten this far right?
10. I thank God every single day for my life and the abundance with which I get to experience it in. My children, my family, and my friends are above all else the absolute most important treasures in my life and I am always, always so thankful. If you are my family or my friend (and you know you are!), I thank God for you. Every. Day
11. I write list. Lots of them. Lots and lots. On many different kinds of paper. All throughout my day, I tell myself that “I AM ORGANIZED.” And then I wake up.
12. I love robes. Especially my old grey one. And I wear it during they day, and unfortunately LOTS of folks have seen me in it. More folks than should have.
13. I worry about children who are neglected and don’t have enough food to eat. From the time I was little and saw the commercials that showed children from Ethiopia, I have worried. And now that I am a mother, I can’t imagine or bear to think of what that would be like.
14. I’m a t-shirt and jeans kind of gal. All the way. I love jeans. But only the kind that fit perfect and look old but are new. With the perfect t-shirt.Which are pretty hard to come by for me.
15. I can’t stand MOST folk music and MOST rap. But I can’t live without the rest……I think music completes my life in some ways. I could listen to music most all the time.
16. Possible exception to the above reference to folk would be Emmylou Harris. Her voice is golden. My all time favorite artist are David Grey, Lyle Lovett, Beth Orton, Sarah Mclachlan, Jewel (old stuff only!), Everything but the Girl, John Mayer, and Sting. It’s prone to change with mood. See? There goes that change thing again.
17.It bothers me when people don’t use their blinkers.
18. I wonder if I’ll ever be truly content.
19. Texting used to bother me. So did Twitter. I’ve converted. Considerably. It’s amazing how you can get to know folks with such little information. 140 characters or less, to be specific.
20. I am convinced that the reason my daughter was born with her two bottom teeth (yes, you read right.) is because I drank almost a whole half gallon of calcium fortified OJ every day that I was pregnant with her. It’s probably not the reason, but you know those moms who think they know everything?
21. I don’t care about professional or college sports. Never have. I mean, I was an athlete in high school and loved it and know that most of the folks I know love it. But I just really don’t see what all the fuss is about. Like….in the grande scheme of things…….who cares? I know that is a little wierd and maybe even bordering on socially inappropriate. But it’s me. And I just can’t change it. Go Saints!!! (since I am in NOLA and all. and since Lily’s godfather, and her two uncles pratically live and die by all things SAINTS I figure it couldn’t hurt to just give a little meaningless shout out!)
22. I am claustrophic. I don’t like big crowds. They make me nervous and intimidate me mostly. Even though I am such a social creature I just don’t like all the noise and fuss. I sound a little autistic-ish, don’t I? And PS….I super duper dislike Disney World. Guess that’s my really weird SECOND fun fact for tonight huh? On a roll…….
23. I like symmetry and struggle with catty corner. I am getting better with this. I joined a 12 step program. HeeHee.
24. I have a love/hate relationship with NOLA on so many levels it’s unfitting to post.
25. I wonder a lot lately about my deceased grandparents and sometimes wish that there were more stories, more photographs, more stuff…..just to have something to wonder more about. To wonder more about who they were and what they were like. And it makes me think how much I love my job and how important photographs really are and how I need to get more comfortable in FRONT of the camera. For MY children. And their children. And their children. History is important. And it seems the older I get, the more important and interesting it becomes…….and she says goodnight folks!
26. I hate mosquitos with a passion.
27. Domesticity has been and still is one of the hardest things in life to come to grips with, to embrace, and to be. I feel like I am a living oxymoron.
28. When Laws tries to say the word LIQUID, it comes out as WIKLID. And that my friends, is one of the joys of motherhood.Especially when that child has autism, has perfect articulation and annunciation, and has had both since about 13 months….the fact that for whatever reason this particular words is difficult for him makes it even cuter.
29. I am starting to move closer to living my truth: becoming my authentic self. Leaving the expectations of others behind and living the way I feel is most worthwhile for me. Finding those characteristics, behaviors, passions and visions that make me ME seems like a worthy pursuit even when life is completely uncertain and always changing. (halfway falling apart in my case.) If we are afraid to speak the truth about who we truly are, we will live life without discovering our full potential. There are beliefs and opinions that have always been there but have been pushed beneath the surface for a myriad of reasons. Mainly fear and pride, but the list could go on. Of course there are things like acceptable social graces, manners, and integrity that are a must no matter what your authentic self is. This is just part of the journey of my life that I figured would one day come to fruition. I’m just getting started. And BELIEVE me, it is not going to be easy. At ALL. Won’t you join me?
30. I remember when 30 was OLD.
31. I remember when 31 was OLD too.
32.I have a mild obsession with white bed linens. Mainly the “crunchy” kind. And the kind from Pottery Barn. And believe me, I know that place is so way above unreasonable on most things…but truly…their sheets ROCK. There is something so yummy about clean bed sheets. That are white. Dunno….ask the DNA dude. He made me this way.
33. I secretly LOVE Converse high tops but think the more pointed and less rounded toe looks absurd and weird. I love wearing the ones I have (that are not high tops btw!) but try not to look at my feet in mirrors anywhere when I have them on. I just like to pretend they make me “hip”
34. I wish I played the violin.
35. I dislike the whole “touchpad” thing. The noise it used to make when I dialed numbers or sent a text back in the day had such a nice sound to it. Yes, I just referred to the pretouchpad days as “back in the day”.
36. If I could forgo any holiday of the entire year it would be Halloween. So there. Get your BOO on, and leave me alone. I need to sleep. LOL. (oh, and I very much dislike typing LOL. but what else can one type when one really Laughs Out Loud?)
Good Night.
e.
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by Evelyn Chauvin Savage
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